In their classic book The Elements of Style, Strunk and White called word clutter “the leeches that infest the pond of prose, sucking the blood out of words.”

You can start by eliminating extraneous phrases that clutter your writing. But which phrases can be “whacked”?

Consider taking out these extra phrases whenever you can:

• “is intended to”; “meant to”; “designed to” e.g., He gives a workshop that is designed to teach writing skills. Better: He gives a workshop that teaches writing skills.
• “it is all about”; “the fact of the matter is”; “the fact that”; “it’s important to remember that” e.g., The fact of the matter is that it’s unwise to go out carousing. Better: It’s unwise to go out carousing.
• “in regard to” e.g., Seek additional websites in regard to your industry. Better: Seek additional websites in your industry.
• “is going to” e.g., He is going to be a key contributor. Better: He will be a key contributor.
• “in order to” e.g., Add key words in order to describe the new position. Better: Add key words to describe the new position.
• “there is” and “there will be” e.g., There will be many managers attending the meeting. Better: Many managers will attend the meeting.
• “the reason why is that” e.g., A simple “because” will suffice.
• “at this time” e.g., Now!

To reinforce this exercise, take something you wrote and circle any of these extraneous phrases. Challenge yourself to rework or remove them altogether. You may choose to keep some in, but at least you’ve asked the question: “Do I really need this phrase?” (In this sentence, “really” is an extra word.)

Keep this list handy. What would you add to it?

Barbara McNichol is a nonfiction editor, who works with authors, speakers, and business professionals to add power to their pen through the written word. Barbara wrote Word Trippers: The Ultimate Source for Choosing the Perfect Word When It Really Matters. She offers helpful writing tips weekly and a course to take your writing and editing to the next level: “WordShops: Strengthen Everything You Write.”

Things break down. Muscles atrophy from lack of use, cars won’t start from lack of maintenance, and houses get messy due to lack of cleaning. Sometimes life just doesn’t go the way you plan, and the entropy of everyday living can take its toll on a person’s body and mind.

Here’s help in making sure your lexicon doesn’t break down. This week’s word tripper highlights the differences between atrophy and entropy.

Atrophy, entropy – Atrophy, a noun and a verb, refers to a gradual loss or wasting away physically or psychologically. It can also refer to poor development. Entropy, a noun, is the degree of disorder or uncertainty in a system. In a technical sense, it’s the gradual breakdown of energy and matter. In casual usage, entropy refers to the disintegration or disorganization of any situation.

“The teenager’s muscles started to atrophy from lying in bed too long. His room, scattered with clothes, shoes, and books, showed a degree of entropy from being neglected.”

Barbara McNichol is a nonfiction editor, who works with authors, speakers, and business professionals to add power to their pen through the written word. Barbara wrote Word Trippers: The Ultimate Source for Choosing the Perfect Word When It Really Matters. She offers helpful writing tips weekly and a course to take your writing and editing to the next level: “WordShops: Strengthen Everything You Write.”

Before detecting the passive voice and addressing how to change it to active, consider why you should care.

Active verbs will improve your writing (most of the time) because

• active verbs declare who or what is (or should be) performing the action; you avoid confusion, guesswork, or dodging responsibility
• active verbs make your writing flow smoothly; readers will easily get the ideas you want to convey
• sentences constructed in the active voice usually require fewer words; you want to aim to write concisely!

How to Identify Passive

As a reader, if you can’t identify the doer of the action—the subject—the sentence has likely been constructed in the passive voice. Even when the subject is clear, two clues help you identify passive use: (1) the word “by” and (2) variations of the verb “to be.”

Consider these sentences:
Passive—“The juicy watermelon was eaten by the boy.”
Active—“The boy chomped into the watermelon’s juicy belly.”
Passive—“Employees are seen by their managers as responsive and enthusiastic.”
Active—“Managers see their employees as responsive and enthusiastic.”

In addition, passive verbs can foster weasel-like communication. They may be used to hide who’s responsible for an action, thus evading accountability rather than declaring it. For example, if a contract states “the rules for the homeowners will be enforced” but doesn’t note who will enforce those rules, what’s the result? Ambiguity. Confusion. Inaction.

How to Identify Active

The pattern for an active sentence is typically “subject + verb + direct object.” The direct object is the recipient of the action—that is, what or whom the verb affects.

Example: The employees (subject) implement (verb) the new strategy (object).

Who’s doing the action of implementing the new strategy? The employees. Thus, it’s clear the employees are accountable for the action.

Your Turn

Notice the passive construction in the following sentence and rewrite it, making sure to use an active verb. (Hint: You’ll need to make up a subject.)

Passive: This policy is being implemented in an effort to streamline our process.
Active: ___________________________________

Barbara McNichol is a nonfiction editor, who works with authors, speakers, and business professionals to add power to their pen through the written word. Barbara wrote Word Trippers: The Ultimate Source for Choosing the Perfect Word When It Really Matters. She offers helpful writing tips weekly and a course to take your writing and editing to the next level: “WordShops: Strengthen Everything You Write.”

If you don’t subscribe to my ezine Word Tripper of the Week, you’re missing out on a regular opportunity to sharpen your word use skills. You’ll find easy explanations of confusing word pairings such as “accept vs. except” and “affect vs. effect.”

Abstruse, obtuse – Abstruse means hard to understand, complex, or highly abstract. It stems from a Latin word meaning concealed or hidden and typically describes texts or arguments. Obtuse describes someone who is (or seems to be, based on behavior) not sharp in thinking, perception, or feeling; it can also refer to a remark, argument, or object that is dull or blunt.

“The teacher lost his students’ attention while describing abstruse philosophical topics to his class. He was too obtuse to notice their lack of participation.”

***

Afflict, inflict – Both words mean to cause pain, suffering, distress, or discomfort. Afflict with the preposition with usually describes an illness or condition. Inflict with the preposition on concentrates on the force with which the pain, suffering, distress, or discomfort is administered.

“He did not intend to inflict shame on his friend with his calloused remark. It would later afflict him with a deep sense of remorse.”

***

Anticipate, predict – Anticipate means to think of something that could happen in the future; to expect or look ahead to something with pleasure. Predict means to declare or indicate in advance; to foretell based on observation, experience, or scientific reason.

“It’s easy to predict the youngsters will have a tough time sleeping as they anticipate their trip to Disneyland.”

***

Archetype, prototype – Derived from the Latin term typus meaning image, the nouns archetype and prototype both relate to an original pattern or model. Each prefix establishes the distinction. Arch refers to the most accomplished or high ranking of something; proto primarily refers to a standard configuration, or an initial model or version of something. Thus, archetype has come to mean an ideal example while prototype is an unrefined version of something that’s expected to evolve.

“With her perfect GPA, inspiring extracurricular activity, and impressive athletic accomplishments, she’s the archetype of a great student and possibly a prototype for a successful entrepreneur.”

Barbara McNichol is a nonfiction editor, who works with authors, speakers, and business professionals to add power to their pen through the written word. Barbara wrote Word Trippers: The Ultimate Source for Choosing the Perfect Word When It Really Matters. She offers helpful writing tips weekly and a course to take your writing and editing to the next level: “WordShops: Strengthen Everything You Write.”

What can editors tell writers about improving their writing before they even begin the editing process? Here’s a summary:

Mistake #1. Being so self-absorbed as a writer that you’re unaware of the reader’s experience. The fix? Know your core message and write to that message, leaving out the experience of writing.

Mistake #2. Addressing readers as readers rather than as a single key person whose interest you want to capture with your message. The fix? Keep a single interested person in your target audience top of mind as you write.

Mistake #3. Skimming the surface, not going deep enough. The fix? When describing an experience, explain what you felt, what the other person felt as best you can, and what exact words were spoken. Go deeper with the details.

Mistake #4. Having no rhyme or reason to the order of the paragraphs. The fix? Make a conscious decision about the order based on logic, facilitating your readers’ comprehension.

Mistake #5. Overusing weak verbs and throwing in extraneous phrases and wobbly words. The fix? Rewrite using active verbs; question the use of every adjective and adverb; throw out wobbly words: really, very, much, some, that. “I Really Think That We Should Not Use Some Words Very Much.”

Mistake #6. Using multiword noun phrases when one active verb will do. The fix? Whenever possible, get an active verb to do the “work.”

Mistake #7. Writing sentences that ramble (on and on and on and on). The fix? Limit sentences to 15–21 words max and vary sentence length.

Bonus mistake: Mixing metaphors and flat-out choosing the wrong word. The fix? Use a word choice guide to help you select the perfect word when it really matters.

Barbara McNichol is a nonfiction editor, who works with authors, speakers, and business professionals to add power to their pen through the written word. Barbara wrote Word Trippers: The Ultimate Source for Choosing the Perfect Word When It Really Matters. She offers helpful writing tips weekly and a course to take your writing and editing to the next level: “WordShops: Strengthen Everything You Write.”