It’s going to happen—you’re going to do or say something stupid. And you’re going to apologize.
If you’re in the public eye in any way, it’s critical that when you make a mistake, you also make a heartfelt apology. There are four parts to a proper apology. Here is your guide to writing an apology that is sincere and has a good chance of repairing the damage done.
A couple years ago I sent an invitation to my membership with a sentence that offended more than one person. In the invitation I wrote what I thought was a funny joke:
There will be soft drinks, heavy whores-de-ovaries, and door prizes!
One of my writers wrote to tell me she and others found the joke offensive. I had to retract what I had said in short order.
Part One: Describe it and own it
In this first part of your apology, describe what happened. You don’t have to give all the gory details. But you have to be clear that what happened was real, you wish it hadn’t happened, and you recognize it was wrong.
You may have seen this done badly by politicians, actors, and other public figures.
Avoid phrases like:
- I am sorry my comments were taken out of context.
- I am sorry if anyone took offense by what I did.
- It is unfortunate that so many were offended by what I said.
These sorts of comments are a non-apology. They put the responsibility for the offense on the recipients. You must own whatever it was that you did wrong. Here’s what I wrote in my apology email:
In my last email I used a barnyard joke that I had learned in my youth and gave little thought to. A good friend alerted me to my indiscretion, and to my horror, I realized I’d said something stupid and offensive.
Part Two: State your standards
It’s critical that you let your audience know that what you said or did does not meet your standards for excellence. Remind them what you expect of yourself and others in your organization. Make it clear that your actions did not come up to those high standards.
Agile Writers has always been about inclusiveness and respect. And in this moment I’ve failed you all in that goal. Sadly, as this was sent in a mass email, there is no way to take my mistake back.
Part Three: Apologize
State clearly that you apologize for your actions. Don’t hedge. Don’t blame circumstances (like illness, stress, the weather, etc.).
I hope that you will accept my deepest apologies and disregard my mistake and will still feel welcome to come to our party.
Part Four: Learn from your mistake
Let your audience know that you’re human. You make mistakes. And you will accept this error as a learning opportunity to improve yourself. You want the reader to know you don’t want this to happen again.
My lesson learned is that I still have biases that I have to re-evaluate and overcome. I will endeavor to do better in the future.
Conclusion
You’re human and you have a wide audience. Inevitably you’re going to make a public mistake that you will have to apologize for. Own it, remind everyone of your standards, apologize unequivocally, and learn from your mistake. If you do this, people will remember your apology far longer than your error.
Greg Smith is a writing coach, editor, and publisher. He founded the Agile Writer Workshop in 2011 with the mission of finding a method to help beginning writers complete a first draft in 6 months. The Agile Writer Method is based on the writings of experts in mythology, screenwriting, psychology, and project management. His seminars on the Agile Writer Method have informed and delighted thousands of writers, scholars, and university students. Agile Writer authors have written over 50 first draft novels and 10 published novels. Greg is a developmental editor for novelists and memoirists. He also coaches authors through the self-publishing maze. Greg runs the popular Agile Readers Book Club where new writers can get a beta read from a dozen or more readers.
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